oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I have tasted many bathrooms
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
