what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
