ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
