You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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