yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
