Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
