Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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