I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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