There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
