I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
