can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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