Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
