Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
