Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
