I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
