Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
