I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
