i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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