just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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