Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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