Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
