I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Randomize