I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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