I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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