Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
