I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
