I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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