She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
