Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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