Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Randomize
