I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I want a musical about memes.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
