Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
