that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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