we have pet lesbian snakes
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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