Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
