Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
