after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
