Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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