First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
