i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
