Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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