i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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