Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
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