when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
