I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Congratulations! We have a period
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