butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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