Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
