I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
