My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
