Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
