you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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