She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
