Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize