He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Fuck appropriateness.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
