i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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