i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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