You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
