She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
