So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
