Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
