i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
