good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
