btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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