i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
