the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Randomize
