Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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