At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
