operation harelip BJ is a go
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
