we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize