Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
