I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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