my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
