It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Randomize
