tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
