I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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