shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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