I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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